Where to begin...

I always thought the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" was sort of an obvious observation thrown out when nothing else could be said. Unfortunately this week, this saying rang too true and hit harder than I could ever imagine when I was confronted with the loss of my friend Matt Uday. Even now as I write this a part of me does not believe, even refuses to believe that the most consistent and truest friend I've ever had is gone. Over the last few days I've found myself recounting memory after memory, many of which I had completely forgotten. These would come unbidden, and always with great emotion (happy to sad in an instant), and I found myself needing to reach out and share the memories with somebody...anybody. That's when I started writing....and writing.....
To understand how deeply woven into my life Matt was, I need to start at the beginning. Matt and I became friends soon after I joined the Grosse Ile Marching Band in 1989-90. Believe it or not, I didn't want to like him at first because he had won the attention of a girl I liked (oh, the drama of youth!). Fortunately I gave him a chance and found him to be the same warm and inviting person that I would have the pleasure of knowing for the next 19 years. Needless to say, we were fast friends. Over time I was lucky enough to be included in his circle of friends, many whom I am still fortunate to call friends, and it was through this inclusion and his confidence in me that I began to open up socially and find my own confidence and the ability to connect with new people. All through high school he was an integral part of my musical and social life, from marching band to chorus to musical productions, he was always there. I can't even begin to share every memory that has flooded back in to my head, memories like the daily euchre tournaments in the band room, the hijinks at band camp, the talent show skits, and all the fun of just being goofy kids. Again as I write this, more memories are knocking (like our jazz band, Soulfish playing my brother's wedding or being mistaken for each other in an Ile Camera photo).
Lucky for me, high school was just the beginning of our friendship. I was fortunate enough to work with Matt for two summers, helping him run his lawn service. Those were the best summers I've ever known. Each day had essentially the same routine: grease and oil the mowers, hook up Matt's little homemade trailer to the Uday's old blue station wagon, hopefully get the car started, then map out the lawns that we needed to hit that day. Lunchtime was spent back at Matt's house watching Sportscenter, and at the end of the workday we would put all the equipment away with meticulous care. Occasionally we would break the routine and stop at the Wonderwell for an orange soda! And after a long hot day on the job, a quick jump off the end of his family's dock always did the trick to cool us down. Of course, a soak in the Uday hot tub was also good for those sore muscles;-). It was also in those years after high school that I began an incredible relationship with his family. I felt like I had been given the key to an exclusive club, though I wasn't sure I deserved admission! The extent to which the Uday's accepted and included me in their life was immense, even being included on family trips to Put-in-Bay (I remember listening to the Red Wings winning the Stanley Cup on the boat's little radio during one of those trips). I am so incredibly grateful that I was given a glimpse into the awesome family dynamic that is the Udays.
My relationship with Matt truly matured in the years after high school. He was now (finally!) at the University of Michgan and I was at... that other school! I still found myself driving down to Ann Arbor on many weekends to take in a football game (with unforgettable and legendary Uday tailgates included!), go to a marching band party, or just hang out for the weekend at his apartment on Anne St.. He always made me feel welcome and included, and truly a part of his ever widening circle of friends. Many long and amazing conversations took place during those few years while he was at Michigan, many of which were about some girl or another, or the lack of some girl or another ;-), but also many about life and dreams and just our thoughts on the world. We were just two friends hanging out and shooting the breeze! And I would give anything to do it one more time... It was also in Ann Arbor that I spent New Year's Eve 1999.... with Matt. Priceless!
After Matt left U of M, and eventually moved into his condo in Trenton, real life started to get in the way and our get-togethers became less frequent. This change seemed to make those moments mean even more, at least to me. Some of the things we did have were our regular trips to Miller's Bar in Dearborn and the occasional U of M football game. But most importantly we developed a routine for Red Wing playoff games! We had our jerseys and our 'spots' to sit for the games. Trust me, it was very important! ;-). And then there were the barbecue get-togethers! Those were great opportunities to reconnect with so many friends and just enjoy each other other's company... and some great burgers!
The years after college also afforded me the opportunity to be a part of the extensive remodelling and changes that the Uday Dentist office underwent. Putting my stamp on such a vital component of Grosse Ile society is something I'm incredibly proud of. Even as recently as 2007 I was working side-by-side with Matt on another round of changes at "the office". I remember walking around the unfinished space above the office with Matt while he laid out his grand designs for the future of the business. I had never seen him more excited and focused and I never doubted that he would realize every single one of those ideas! He was truly in his element in that office. It was where he was always meant to be and I loved watching him do his "Dr. Matt" thing!
In the last couple years Matt's and my life took on more changes. We both found ourselves married, and Matt found himself to be a future parent. We tried to stay in touch, but the contact became less and less as our lives pulled us in different directions. When we would talk though, the connection was as vibrant as ever. That was always true with Matt, that no matter how much time passed between phone calls or get-togethers, we could always pick up where we left off and be right back to the dumb jokes or football talk. In fact the last time we spoke on the phone, we had a wonderfully candid conversation about how much we cared for each other and how we had both influenced each other. That was a good phone call.
Then there was the day my mom called me and told me about his cancer for the first time. That was a bad phone call. I don't think it really registered at first, but I remember asking a lot of general questions like what type of cancer, when did they detect it, etc... I kept thinking about all the breakthroughs in modern medicine, and simply thought "He'll be fine, he's Matt. He has to be fine!". A strange thing happened after that news. Even though I thought about him everyday, and many times had his number up on my phone, for some reason I couldn't bring myself to call him. I didn't know what to say, or where to begin, and I always felt like I'd be interrupting precious private family time. I tried e-mailing a couple times and recently commented on his blog, but I just couldn't confront the reality of his cancer. After all those years, I found myself at a loss. I kept feeling that I had more time to reconnect with him. That time is gone. And it is the finality of this that led me to write this. To share my memories of Matt and the short but incredible ride I took with him, and to reconnect with my friend.
I know of so many people who were even more deeply involved in his life and his family and I hoped that this blog would present itself as a forum for them to share their memories and stories of Matt. We know about his battle with cancer, and that has sadly become his identity, but I would love to hear stories and memories from when he was just Matt, the guy, the friend, the boater, the skiier, the trumpet player, the Wolverine, the sailor, the dentist, the husband and the father.
And to Matt: I miss you deeper than I ever thought I could. You always made me feel better about myself than I ever deserved to feel. I thank you eternally for being my friend. I love you, my brother, and I hope you have found your Heaven, cause if anyone deserves it, it's you. Thank you.